伍迪艾倫經典搞笑名言

　　以下是天才伍迪艾倫的25句中英搞笑名言..希望大家喜歡!..

　　woody allen quotes

　　1. harvard makes mistakes too, you know. kissinger taught there.

　　2. he was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an armenian.

　　3. as the poet said, ‘only god can make a tree,’ probably because it’s so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

　　4. i am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.

　　5. i am not afraid of death, i just don’t want to be there when it happens.

　　6. i believe there is something out there watching us. unfortunately, it’s the government.

　　7. i don’t have to ‘freedom-kiss’ my wife when what i really want to do is french-kiss her.

　　8. i don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. i want to achieve it through not dying.

　　9. i have bad reflexes. i was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys.

　　10. i took a speed-reading course and read war and peace in twenty minutes. it involves russia

　　11. i was nauseous and tingly all over. i was either in love or i had smallpox.

　　12. i’d call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.

　　13. i’m astounded by people who want to ‘know’ the universe when it’s hard enough to find your way around chinatown.

　　14. i’m such a good lover because i practice a lot on my own.

　　15. i’m very proud of my gold pocket watch. my grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.

　　16. if my films make one more person miserable, i’ll feel i have done my job.

　　17. in beverly hills… they don’t throw their garbage away. they make it into television shows.

　　18. life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it’s all over much too soon.

　　19. most of the time i don’t have much fun. the rest of the time i don’t have any fun at all.

　　20. my one regret in life is that i am not someone else.

　　21. some guy hit my fender, and i told him, ‘be fruitful and multiply,’ but not in those words.

　　22. there are worse things in life than death. have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

　　23. what if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? in that case, i definitely overpaid for my carpet.

　　24. when i was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. they rented out my room.

　　25. you can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.

　　1、哈佛也會犯錯，因為基辛格在那兒教過書。

　　2、他太絕望了，為了自殺他居然要在一個美國人身邊呼吸。

　　3、就像詩人說的：“唯上帝之萬能，得以創造樹木”，可能是因為實在很難想出來怎么給樹穿上樹皮。

　　4、我感謝大笑，除了牛奶從我鼻子里噴出來的時候。

　　5、我不怕死，只是我不想在它發生的時候呆在那兒。

　　6、我相信在某個不為人知的地方，有個東西盯著我們。不幸的是，是政府。

　　7、我不必在想舌吻老婆的時候，來個 “自由之吻”（似乎是：反對法國因此把所有french 改成freedom）